“All right then,” said Raya. “I’ve got a question for you this time, Fat Guts.”
“That’s not how it works,” I replied evenly. “I ask the questions, you come up with funny answers, we split the cash.”
“In your world,” he continued, ignoring me as usual, “octopuses have eight legs, right?”
“Yep,” I said. “Unless one gets bitten off by some bastid shark or something.”
“And octagons have eight sides, right?”
“Yes, they do,” I said, wondering how boring this could get. “Every single time. And Octo-Africans are eight too many Africans. So what?”
“Well, how come October is the tenth month then?” asked Raya.
Oh, I thought. I’d never even noticed that there was anything funny about that.
“Well,” I said carefully. “Maybe Octo doesn’t mean eight for that one. Maybe it’s named after some Emperor Octo of Axum or something.”
“Yeah I thought about that,” pressed Raya. “But then, December should be ten too, shouldn’t it? Decimal system? But it’s twelve. The twelfth month. So, a bit of a coincidence, don’t you think? Both exactly two months off?”
We fell into silence. I could see he was right. Especially given that I know enough French to know September should be seven. Two off again.
“Nope,” I said, finally. “You’ve got me. That seems wrong. But I don’t know why.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “I’ll just add to my list of times you’ve been useless as breasts on a bull.”
At that, I laughed so suddenly I choked on a macadamia.
“What?” said Raya.
“Nothing,” I said, once I’d recovered slightly. “Too hard to explain.”
“Here,” he said, doubtfully. “Try this.”
Raya had just finished roasting his next batch of coffee for us and was now shaking his little coffee pan from side to side like he was panning for gold. The hot coffee beans skittered like cats on a hot tin roof to the left and to the right. He held the pan about a foot in front of me and used his hand to gently waft smoke into my face.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Ah yes,” I breathed appreciatively. “Beautiful. Best yet. Where do these ones come from?”
“Coles,” he replied. “OK, thanks. I’ll add them to my list.”
Fat Guts Thredbo, 7 Oct 2020.
